The first installment in the series is available for download. Follow the download instructions below to download the book straight to your iBooks app or Android book reader & enjoy......
New Download Link (5.1.16)
Twitter/IG : @MartyaLaMode
Style ah Fuck the Jamaican novel......
The first installment in the series is available for download. Follow the download instructions below to download the book straight to your iBooks app or Android book reader & enjoy......
Twitter/IG : @MartyaLaMode
Fifty Shade Ah Style & Fuck Chaptah 1+1: Bashment Secrets
Fifty Shade Ah Style & Fuck
Chaptah 3-1: Bashment Secrets
After the conference Kerisha & Carlene decided to go out for drinks & party hop fi di weekend to celebrate har promotion H'opportunity. The two friend dem decided to first pass through "Pussy Haffi Good Friday's", as they walked in the DJ did ah play bare (a lot) Dark Skin Kartel chunes (You know? Kartel songs from 2003 - 2007).
Carlene never shy & bust ah pretty whine inna di miggle (middle) ah di pawty while Kerisha H'egged har on.
"Bloodclot mi gyal, Aye Aye, Hot gyal hot gyal inna style, hot gyal hot gyal inna style, Raeeee, Whoyyyy" yells Kerisha as her roommate whines pon ah man.
*SOME GYAL AH PLAY EENY MEENY MINY MOE FI MEMBER (remember) AH WHO DEM BABY FADDA, FROM YUH KNOW AH ONE MAN AH FUCK YUH, MEK MI HEAR YUH SEH WHOYYY!* exclaimed the DJ
Half the party yells out "Whoyyyy!", as Kerisha notices one beard up yute ah walk through the crowd.
"Carlene, look pon dah bwoy deh! Him nuh cute up?" Kerisha excitingly said
"Him H'Alright, kinda look like him nah nuh use, like seh him woulda give yuh ah cute likkle pretty bend H'ova & can't even handle it" replied Carlene as Kerisha laughed
*MY GIRL, FROM YUH KNOW SEH YUH CAN GET ANY MAN YUH WAN' & HIM NAH GO LEF YUH, PAT UP YUH BLOODCLOT PUM PUM!* yelled the DJ as he dropped Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time"
"Bitch, mi ah go talk to him fi yuh cause yuh need ah Bloodclot man so yuh can stop use up battery buddy every Bloodclot night" said Kerisha
Carlene looked at her like the lady at the Jamaican restaurant would look at you if you asked for extra pepper sauce or oxtail gravy on your rice.
*Kisses teeth* "Gyal, yuh Brite like di star di wise man dem use fi find Jesus when him first born, mi tell yuh seh mi ah look ah man? My likkle rabbit toy ah do mi just fine." *Chuh* replied Carlene
"Eh, well H'EXCUSE mi, gyal it's time fi tek yuh likkle toy friend & dash it whe fi ah bwoyfriend". Kerisha said as she walked H'awf fi go pursue di man
"Boss man, mek mi get ah ah ah ah, mek mi get ah one Guinness, Hanna (and a) Red Stripe. Bless" said the mystery man
"Hello, H'excuse mi. Mi sorry fi ah bodda yuh but I har did wanted to tell yuh that mi friend kinda think seh yuh look GOOD & wanted fi know yuh name. Ah me name Kerisha"
"Eh? Ah dat yuh ah seh? Fi mi name? Dem call mi H'Every Gyal Man" said the mystery guy.
"H'Every Gyal Man? My yute ah wha di name yuh modda gi yuh?" replied Kerisha
"Yuh feisty eh? Mi kinda like yuh H'Achitude (attitude) still, call mi Amare. Sen fi yuh friend dem nuh? Mek mi buy some drinks fi unnu"
Kerisha thanked Amare for the gesture & said she'd be back with her friend.
"Bitch before yuh seh nothing. I hope to yuh granny two front teeth yuh nuh tell di man nuh foolishness." said Carlene as Kerisha approached her smiling
"Girl just come nuh, di man ah buy wi drinks & ting. Ah nuh celebrate wi come fi celebrate? Just come nuh" begged Kerisha
Amare met Carlene & jokingly introduced himself as Dumbledore (cause him wand know fi work magic) then he bought a few rounds of Appleton Rum, Brown Bokkle (Hennesy) & a few Red Bulls. They engaged in conversation for awhile til' it was time for the ladies to hit the next event. Carlene really wasn't H'interested inna Amare which was very blatant & obvious but both her & Kerisha exchanged numbers wid him same way.
On the way into "Gyal Farm Friday's" which was up the block, Carlene asked Kerisha about her thoughts on the promotion.
"Yuh think bout di job H'Awfa yet? I hope yuh nuh tek it eh nuh cause I does not see wha Blacka coulda wan' yuh travel wid him fah"
*IF YUH HOLE NUH BIG LIKE AH WASHING MACHINE, MY GIRL SCREAM* the DJ yelled before playing "This Woman's Work" by Maxwell as the two women were holding conversation on the walk in.
"Honestly girl, mi nuh know mi nuh too wan' focus pon it rightcha now, but whe yuh think bout Amare?" Kerisha asked even though it was clear Carlene showed no interest in him.
"Mi nuh too inna di man eh nuh, him nice but who fi tek ah man people call H'Every Gyal Man seriously? Him can stay where him deh, him look like him ah money man still, yuh see di truck him go inna?" replied Carlene
"Yeah, mi wonder how much gyal him Ave ( have) fi people call him H'Every Gyal Man, him all coulda ave 8,9,10 pikney too" Kerisha said with disgust
Carlene kissed her teeth, "Well mek him stay where him deh, mi H'Alright."
Kerisha nodded her head in agreeance but couldn't tell her friend she was actually interested in Amare & already planned to link up with him.
- Marty Luciano
@MartyaLaMode
Chaptah 3: Decisions (Snippet)
In memory of Shane, R.I.P & Happy Earthstrong dawg!
Fifty Shade Ah Style & Fuck Chaptah 1: H'Opportunity
50 Shade Ah Grey Dem
Book 1: 50 Shade Ah Style & Fuck
Chaptah 1 Ah Dem: H'Opportunity
It's Friday mawning, Kerisha frantically looks at herself in the mirror as she is ready fi step out ah road as today is har big day. Kerisha Jackson is an assistant to GEO (Gyal Executive H'Officer) Christian Blacka Grey & today is the day she actually gets to meet him for har work H'evaluation & a conference at a new branch due to him having offices around the world.
"Kerisha, gyal H'urry up nuh? Yuh look GOOD & yuh pussy print out. Yuh ah go get di Bloodclot raise, come mek wi lef di H'ouse" shouted her roommate Carlene from the living room as she left to go start up har H'Onda Civic cyar. Carlene got Kerisha this job 3 months ago & was in good spirits for her friend.
Kerisha leaves from infront her bedroom mirror, gathered her bag & leaves the house. They arrive at the fairly new branch 30 minutes early & approach the receptionist.
"Good mawning & welcome to Grey H'Incorporated, mi name Chrissy how may I help yuh?"
"I'm Kerisha Jackson & I'm scheduled for ah meeting wid di one Mr. Grey."
"Oh yes! Mr. Grey is H'Expecting yuh eh nuh, tek ah one seat over deh suh & him ah go deh H'out shortly"
As Kerisha waits for Mr. Grey, her & Carlene glance & look at the other women walking around, "Dem Gyal Yah Nuh Hotta Dan Yuh Eh Nuh? Dem Gyal Yah Nuh Tek Ah Next Gyal Man Like Yuh Eh Nuh, Dem Gyal Yah Life Nuh Sort H'Out Like Yuh Eh Nuh." Carlene said to Kerisha.
"Yes, my girl. Mi just ready fi meet Mr. Blacka Grey & show him seh mi ah nuh waste Gyal & mi well ready fi fully commit to dah job yah." replied Kerisha
"Hot Gyal back inna style" they both laughed & said simultaneously.
"Mr. Blacka Grey Will See You Now Ms. Kerisha" says Chrissy the receptionist as she points Kerisha to the elevator leading up to Grey's H'office.
"Gwan girl, mi ah go wait fi yuh, go show Mr. Grey Bad Gyal ready fi step up inna life" said Carlene as Kerisha entered the elevator. The elevator delicately played Bob Marley's "Is This Love", as it came to a stop & the doors opened leading Kerisha into a well kept office. Kerisha notices a well dressed yute inna one suit ah look through di window (nuh man fi gaze).
Christian Blacka Grey turned around & approached Kerisha, "Mawning Kerisha, ah mi name Blacka, have ah seat"
"It's a pleasure to finally meet & speak to you in person & not just through web conferences & emails" said Kerisha
Blacka grinned (cause Badman Nuh smile & mi never see ah laughing gun yet in life) then proceeded to walk around his desk, "Yuh know? Mi start this yah business (cause nuh man fi H'ave ah company) 10 years H'ago to help ooman dem Find Love, H'all while strengthening themselves. I har does think of miself as one Hugyalitarian of sorts & your recent contribution dem haven't gone unnoticed."
Kerisha blushes & politely thanks Blacka but is having a hard time keeping her mind clear due to an improper attraction she's already feeling towards him.
"I would like to H'Awfa yuh ah personal position widdin this yah business."
"Is this a promotion?" Asked Kerisha
"How yuh mean? Yeah ah promotion dat, the ting is yuh would travel wid mi to tree (3) different H'office dem ah year if you'd be interested. Your workload woulda basically stay the same but just wid more traveling ah gwan."
Kerisha smiles & is flustered at this point, "Thank you, I appreciate the opportunity but is it possible that I can have some time to think this through further?"
"Of course" said Blacka "Mi haffi head out & start dis yah conference anyway so tek as long as yuh need. Wi ah go chat at a later time zeen? H'enjoy the conference, please & tonks."
Kerisha gets up & walks to the elevator, as she's walking she realizes har Pum Pum wet up like it come from Avatar's Water Tribe. As the elevator door closes, she takes a deep sigh while smiling yet slightly embarrassed & blurts out "Poopa Jesus".
Kerisha calls Carlene & tells her to meet her by the car rather than downstairs for the conference.
"Girl, wham? Yuh H'Alright?" said Carlene as Kerisha approached the car.
"Yeah mi good but girllllll, Fuck mi never woulda realize Ah so Blacka Grey sexy, di man offer mi one promotion & di whole time mi Pum Pum ah look ah H'Ard Bumboclot Fuck" said Kerisha
Carlene laughed then replied "Girl, listen mi, Blacka is not ah guy yuh seriously pursue or tek seriously. As good as him look, tek yuh promotion & live yuh life."
"Tek seriously? No suh, only ting mi wan' seriously tek is Blacka inna mi Pum Pum. Bitch, I couldn't even H'accept di job pon di spot true seh mi pussy did ah leak like ah album before release date" said Kerisha
They both returned to the building & proceeded to enter the auditorium where the conference was starting to begin. After a hour of speaking to his employees, Blacka concluded the conference & gave everyone a half day.
On his way out, Blacka told Kerisha he'd be expecting a female (cause bad man Nuh receive or deal wid H'email) from her sometime this week with her decision.
- Marty Luciano
@MartyaLaMode
Chaptah 1+1: Bashment (Snippet)
Raise Your Stock
If you aren't in the position to get the person/people you want, this doesn't apply to you. This article is purely written from the point of view & ability of someone who does the Selecting.
Stock Market behavior is really based on rumors, excitement, and even fear but always remember Stock Prices are actually affected by the behavior of said company. Ladies, your actual stock & worth is dictated by you but before y'all start preaching with the "I Know My Worth" arguments, grasp what this actually means for a second. Stock Prices are determined at the initial time they're made available to the public then your actual value is taken into account as the investors privately decide what price your shares are worth based on that value. Stock Prices change daily, obviously due to Supply & Demand, if more people want your stock compared to people wanting little to do with it, the stock sees a boost. The attitude & expectations of investors can either help or damage your stock price, also remember that your share price cannot be compared to another but your actual value can be.
If you mess with a whack or corny guy, your stock plummets & the only way to get it to raise is by upgrading who Selects you next. The thing about upgrading who Selects you is that after your stock has already dropped, there are only two types of guys who will invest in it.
These 2 types of guys easily invest in low Women Stock Purchase Plans......
- The guy who couldn't afford your stock before but wanted to buy shares for a long time & can finally afford it now that your stock has decreased & needs a jolt. This buyer is now investing in the potential not many see at this point & has faith in your past market value.
- The guy that always had what it took to invest & has the ability to potentially attract other investors just by showing interest. This is the person you always wanted to purchase shares, this investor will automatically cause a turnaround & have your stock rise because people will want to know why he's even investing. People will research & attempt to now invest in you due to the fact that they believe they will now get something out of it since you attracted a key investor. The people who attempt to look up your stock at this point are known as "faggots" because they want you due to the type of men that can potentially have you.
- There's nothing wrong with investing in a good or low priced stock, it gives you the opportunity to be a part of growth & advancement.
- A good track record doesn't assure a great stock market performance after your investment has been made.
- Stop Watch Man!
- If you want a female cause it looks like another man wants her, you sir are actually looking man. Be a batty & fisherman somewhere else.
- "If you give a clown your P*ssy, you now have clown p*ssy & no one wants clown p*ssy" - @RichKid_Life
- Your body is your temple, if you let anyone in that temple they can leave with whatever they want. You have Indiana Jones & Lara Croft running amuck & wonder why people don't see what you could possibly have left to offer.
- Figure out yourself then proceed to Know Yourself, use your value to attract what you want.
- If you're constantly attracting the type of investors you do not want, it may be the time for you to go through a turnaround phase for your company in attempts to capitalize on the market.
- Marty Luciano
@MartyaLaMode
What She Really Means Pt. 2
"Aw" - Curve
"Where Are You!?" - You better not be with no Bitches.
"You Really Play All Day" - You could've been had this vagina if you just tried to be consistent, like damn Nigga.
"Ok" - I got something for your ass, just watch.
"What You Doing!?" - You better not be with no Bitches.
"I Hate You" - Why are you doing this to me!? I miss & need your penis everywhere on my body.
"I Don't Do That Kind of Stuff Unless You're My Man" - You ain't bout to be calling me no hoe, so say you're my man real quick so I can give you all of me.
"I Forgive You" - I'm going to stop talking about the situation right now because I can't think but I will be bringing it up again every chance I get. EVERY chance Nigga.
*Puts hair in ponytail* - I'm bout to suck your dick til' you transcend into another dimension.
"I Don't Know Why I Waste My Time With You" - All these Niggaz want me but I dead be trying to give you a chance & you're just not getting with the program. It's alright though cause I'll still be here.
"I'm Gonna Hurt You When I See You" - I can't wait to see you, climb on top of you & play with your penis.
"Your bed is so comfortable" - Pleeeeeease invite me over again.
"You're trouble" - I really can't be around you because you're liable to have me doing something crazy & I doubt I'd be able to control myself around you.
"I'm getting ready" - Let me lay right here for another 30 minutes before I take a shower, do my hair, figure out what I'm going to wear THEN decide If I'm even going out.
There you have it guys, it's Curve/Flop Season, get out there & shoot those long range shots in this game of life.
Always remember ladies, the women you're so concerned about doesn't really want your man, she wants what you advertise. Your happiness is what attracts women to your man, if they feel he's the reason that you're happy they're going to want that. Live Life just don't Live Life Online.
Remember guys, you miss all the shots you don't take. We have one more month of #SavageSummer which means an entire month of all 4 Pointers awaits you. Get out there, light up the scoreboard & take more shots than Kobe with the Lakers down by 15.
Reem Corner: When You Think About It Pt. 1...
Disclaimer: The thoughts expressed by Reem & #ReemTwitter are in no way a direct reflection or representation of myself, I'm no savage.
When You Think About It...
- A woman's car is just her purse with 4 wheels.
- Jesus had to have been an arrogant asshole to only have 12 disciples.
- If Jay-z was really dicking Beyonce down, she would be washed up by now.
- No Nigga really wants to pay a toll to just chill with you, nobody is ever that damn fine.
- An analysts views on your team is less valuable than the views on your team from your barbershop.
- Bill Clinton watches "Scandal" with that "Yeah, I did that" face.
- You've never been to a party/event where a chick hasn't lost something that belongs to her.
- Nobody ever pays attention to the magnets/things on the fridge until there is no food in the house.
- Jordan Brand = Apple products.
- The express lines are usually the longest.
Wordsmiff - "Bars Over Everything II" Mixtape
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