I don't know about you guys but this Summer seems to be one of the most anticipated Summers in our adult lives. We already know what to expect during the Summer Days, hot weather, beautiful women, beach nights, barbecue's and plenty more festivities. With all this being said, Summer in Brooklyn & New York as a whole is really a great time to look forward to but there are a few things that I think people may have to know about. I mean no one wants to put limitations & restrictions on their Summer fun, that's the time where even the most antisocial people are out dwelling in the thing us New Yorkers call the "Mix".
First things first, here are a few events that occur during the Summer season, and situations everyone may indulge in during this time. We all enjoy some of these festivities, I don't know about you all BUT I don't want to see certain things so here goes the list.
1. Barbecue/Cookout - If you're having a BBQ or a "Cookout" this Summer, the idea is to actually have food so cut the Shenanigantics out. Brooklyn folk are known to have BBQ's with NO food, just loud music, Gucci/Louis/Hermes belts, Foamposites, and gunpowder. If you're having a BBQ, and it starts at 10pm that isn't a BBQ, you're having a bashment party. Let's also keep in mind that anyone attending your "BBQ" didn't leave home with the intention of taking a $500 minimum EMT paramedics ride, nor do they plan to wake up spending time with whichever creator or savior they believe in.
2. J'ouvert - Brooklyn...Brooklyn...
3. Labor Day Parade - I don't even have much to say here, I'm probably the only West Indian who doesn't even know what day this is because I simply avoid it. I don't like people, I don't like crowds, I don't like guns unless I'm the one holding them, and I don't like people in crowds with guns, so yeah I want no parts of Labor Day in Brooklyn. This parade was once filled with sexy women in half naked attire, now it's bombarded with completely naked overweight old West Indian women named Margaret, Carlene, Marie, and Sherika who all happen to have gold caps on their teeth. If that wasn't bad enough, the parade has long been overrun by Americans with even worse behavior than a scene from "The Wire". If you're attending the parade enjoy, because I'm quite sure that the city, and the Jews of Crown Heights will be getting rid of that celebration within the next two to three years.
4. Beach - We all know what happened last year, listen Children of the Coon the only shells we want at the Beach are seashells. Honestly the beach in Brooklyn is something I never wanted parts of anyway, a Brooklyn beach looks like "BET Spring Bling" during a 2006 DipSet performance. I don't think anyone in Brooklyn goes to the beach like its the beach, you can catch Brooklyn folks in "Foamposites", "Jordans", "Lebrons", fitted caps, snap backs, camo shorts, Adidas track pants and bandanas. That attire alone should tell you to stay away, you might catch me at the beach on a random non-publicized night with a few beautiful ladies and the homies though.
Depending on how I feel I just might put up a list of places you guys can go during beautiful Summer days. On second thought, nah I won't do that to myself, I don't want to see all of y'all cooning out at the places I go to court gorgeous women. Forget that.
Daily reminders from Marty:
First things first, here are a few events that occur during the Summer season, and situations everyone may indulge in during this time. We all enjoy some of these festivities, I don't know about you all BUT I don't want to see certain things so here goes the list.
1. Barbecue/Cookout - If you're having a BBQ or a "Cookout" this Summer, the idea is to actually have food so cut the Shenanigantics out. Brooklyn folk are known to have BBQ's with NO food, just loud music, Gucci/Louis/Hermes belts, Foamposites, and gunpowder. If you're having a BBQ, and it starts at 10pm that isn't a BBQ, you're having a bashment party. Let's also keep in mind that anyone attending your "BBQ" didn't leave home with the intention of taking a $500 minimum EMT paramedics ride, nor do they plan to wake up spending time with whichever creator or savior they believe in.
2. J'ouvert - Brooklyn...Brooklyn...
3. Labor Day Parade - I don't even have much to say here, I'm probably the only West Indian who doesn't even know what day this is because I simply avoid it. I don't like people, I don't like crowds, I don't like guns unless I'm the one holding them, and I don't like people in crowds with guns, so yeah I want no parts of Labor Day in Brooklyn. This parade was once filled with sexy women in half naked attire, now it's bombarded with completely naked overweight old West Indian women named Margaret, Carlene, Marie, and Sherika who all happen to have gold caps on their teeth. If that wasn't bad enough, the parade has long been overrun by Americans with even worse behavior than a scene from "The Wire". If you're attending the parade enjoy, because I'm quite sure that the city, and the Jews of Crown Heights will be getting rid of that celebration within the next two to three years.
4. Beach - We all know what happened last year, listen Children of the Coon the only shells we want at the Beach are seashells. Honestly the beach in Brooklyn is something I never wanted parts of anyway, a Brooklyn beach looks like "BET Spring Bling" during a 2006 DipSet performance. I don't think anyone in Brooklyn goes to the beach like its the beach, you can catch Brooklyn folks in "Foamposites", "Jordans", "Lebrons", fitted caps, snap backs, camo shorts, Adidas track pants and bandanas. That attire alone should tell you to stay away, you might catch me at the beach on a random non-publicized night with a few beautiful ladies and the homies though.
Depending on how I feel I just might put up a list of places you guys can go during beautiful Summer days. On second thought, nah I won't do that to myself, I don't want to see all of y'all cooning out at the places I go to court gorgeous women. Forget that.
Daily reminders from Marty:
- Mary J. Blige isn't out here slinging Burger King chicken wraps for the low for your BBQ to not have any type of food homey.
- If you go to an event or festivity that was promoted all throughout EVERY social network you're a part of, you have no right to believe that coonish uncontrollable Negrodian's *Daps @Sue_Nahmi * won't be in attendance.
- If you go to the Beach & see people in construction Timberland boots or basketball sneakers turn around & get out of there faster than you walked in.
- Take shorty some place she hasn't been yet fellas, whether it's out to eat or to sight see, there's more to New York City than what you witness everyday.
- Contrary to popular belief, the small things do count depending on the lady. Don't be afraid to do the courting & romance thing when it's time.
- NEVER trust a snapback du-rag combo & a smile.
- You big broads don't need to be hopping y'all behinds into Maxi dresses & such. Dress your body size.
- Jeggings are a NO-NO.
- Ladies, if you're ugly, please wear undergarments.
- If you're going to show your feet, make sure that they are done. We don't want to see your pterodactyl claws.
- Dudes don't go to any event unless they've heard it's going to be bombarded by bountiful women. You should be smart enough to know that any event that's guaranteed to have women is twice as much guaranteed to have the HOOD. Wherever there are women, there is two to three times as many men all ready to act belligerent. Be blessed.
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