@MartyaLaMode: - Stressful Hairlines

Young African American males in the New York area are being targeted by what seems to be the number 1 killer of their youthfulness. African American males aged 17-27 are suffering from hair loss, potential balding & the deadly receding hairline or what I'd like to call it "The Drop Top" or "King James Headband".

The "King James Headband" is when your hairline is anywhere between 4-8 inches above your eyebrows. Males are suffering & are falling victim to the "King James Headband" at alarming rates, and ages. After conducting private studies amongst friends & observing issues it may be safe to say that women may be to blame behind this sudden burst of male hairline decay. Males just want to chill, play "2k" & "Call of Duty" while all their shorties want to do is turn chilling into arguments, and turn a time to relax into a time to nag & be on your back. Females can turn a 4th quarter 25pt lead in "NBA 2k" to you losing the game just because she wants to search your "Twitter" mentions, read your timeline & guess your "Facebook" password. There's nothing new about this though, we actually should of seen this hairline decay issue coming years ago.

Let's think about this for a second...

From 00'-06' braids were still on the heads of every male who thought they were Allen Iverson in the 00-01' "NBA Finals" against "The Lakers". The "King James Headband" at that time was known as "The Crypt Keeper".

"The Crypt Keeper" is the version of hairline decay that had males in class or even at lunch holding their heads & combing their hair as it fell out. Now where did women fit in at this particular time you ask, it's simple. When braids were still heavily in style males had to get their hair done often, which meant they had NO choice but to hear that woman nag while she braided it. At times males got their hair braided by numerous females, which led to bickering with the female about whoever braided it last. This nagging & bickering while tugging, and braiding soon caused strenuous damage to males during those years which led them to "The Crypt Keeper" hair loss issues.
Now that times are different, while Iverson is off in Turkey still not practicing or being relevant every male with a basketball or not thinks they're Kobe, Derrick Rose, Rondo, or Lebron. No one is safe from this receding hairline epidemic, before I continue here are a few celebrity examples since I can't & won't put us regular dudes business out there.

Fabolous:

Look at that hairline, now it isn't as nearly as bad as a lot of people but let's examine the white skin line. New skin is only shown when it's time to recover from an hairline that's already on life support. At one time Fab was a "Throwback Jersey" wearing "T-Mobile Sidekick" using dude from the hood with 360 waves, now he's a "iPhone" mirror twitcon picture taking guy to keep females happy & off his back about his recently televised relationship.

Diddy:

Now Diddy's money makes him seem happy every time you see him in the media, but his hairline says otherwise. How did women affect Diddy's hairline you ask, let's see. Diddy has about 3 baby mothers(My hairline just started to run to my ears just now for thinking about that). Diddy first started to suffer from the "King James Headband" around 1999, when he had to go through his "Club New York" shooting trial with J.Lo's "Bronx jump rope Goya pleas" all in his ears. After the trial J.Lo dipped, and had Diddy needing a girl so much that he made two songs about it & got so confused that he made "I Need a Girl Pt.II" track 3, and "I Need a Girl Pt.I" track 5 on his "We Invented the Remix" album.

Poor Diddy's hairline has been suffering ever since, while watching J.Lo get married to every guy this side of the equator.

Nas:

Nasir Jones, now I probably don't even have to explain this one. We ALL know what's happening here, but for those who aren't paying attention to the signs here is a list.
- Carmen: Baby mother of his first child, had a fling with Jay-Z after her breakup with Nas. Both Jay-Z & Cam'ron used this numerous times in records against Nas, while Carmen went on to write a book about her life & these stories.
- Kelis: Where do I start with this one, Nas just can't get right with these females. He fell in love with Kelis shortly after meeting her, then she had the nerve to flaunt around her milkshake to bring all the boys to the yard. Kelis went on to have a child for Nas, divorcing him, taking him to court and getting paid even more money than his first baby mother.

Lebron James:

*Deep Breath* Last but far from least, we have Mr.Headband himself Lebron James. Some may think Lebron's hairline issues stem from being in the league for 8 years, and lacking "NBA Championships".
Here are a few photos of other players who entered the league with Lebron, and lack championships, but are winning with youthful hair.

Now even though Chris Bosh is a girl, and probably shouldn't count it still has a better hairline than Lebron, and entered the league at the same time. Now the "King James Headband" could actually stem from the fact that the media stresses the fact that he hasn't married his "High School Sweetheart", and mother of his two children. Any chance the media gets they question & pressure his baby mother about their relationship, and marriage. If those weren't enough to make a man's hairline recede, let's not forget about the Delonte West/Lebron's mother, Rashard Lewis/Lebron's baby mother rumors. All these things can cause a $48 million dollar earning man to start balding.

I have numerous friends who also suffer from these hairline decay issues, and they ALL have experienced these issues while in relationships. My hairline on the other hand is living a wonderful life, and I plan for it to stay that way at least until I'm 30. After the age of 30, you females can stress me out but until then I'm still going to be brushing this hair with pride.


All my brothers out there just remember...

• Learn to compromise with your woman before it's too late.
• Comb your hair before you goto the Barbershop.
• Tell the barber to take it light on the front of your shape up.
• If you plan to be famous don't be afraid of hats.
• All of you 24/7 hat wearers don't be afraid to let your hair follicles breathe a little.
• NEVER talk to your lady during a game of "2k" or "Call of Duty".

- Marty Luciano
  @MartyaLaMode

Author : MartyaLaMode À La Mode is here to showcase all things Wavy.

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